The Stupid Show with Cloud Strife
by RukaStarr
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* Cloud and his own show! See guest star of games, anime, bands, and more! See Cloud at his stupidest! See PG13 for swearing!
1. Episode 1 featuring Spike and Hwoarang

This fic was written by my cousin, PJC, but I fixed a few typos, misspellings, and any other mistakes for him before I posted it up here. I really didn't know what to put for the title, and forgive him if it sucks (just kidding of course, PJC), it's his first fanfic. We might write more, but only if we get good reviews. Well, here's the Stupid Show with Cloud Strife!  
  
Announcer: Live, from Midgar! It's the Stupid Show with Cloud Strife! Featuring your host, Cloud Strife! Along with Squall and the Tonight Show Band and me, Yoshimitsu, here's CLOUD STRIFE!!!  
  
*Squall and the band start playing music*  
  
* audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: Hey! Hi! Hey! (he's wearing a suit) *walks to front row, shakes the audiences' hands* Hi! Hi buddy! Hey!  
  
*Audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: How y'all doin'? *looks at Squall* I like that piece you played there.  
  
Squall: I know, I know. Hey, it's the only thing I can do, man!  
  
Cloud: *faces the audience* Folks, we got a great show for you tonight! From Cowboy Bebop.Spike Spiegal is here!  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: Also, straight from the Iron Fist Tournament.Hwoarang is here to join us!  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: Stick around folks. When we return.Headlines! Take it away, Squall!  
  
*Squall and the band start playing music* *audience cheers*  
  
(After Break)  
  
Cloud: *now sitting in his chair at his desk, drinking coffee and holding a newspaper* Welcome Back! It's that time again.Time for Headlines!  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: Haha! This piece of news really cracks me up! Ok, listen to this. A robber with a knife tried to rob a Gun Store!  
  
*Audience laugh*  
  
Cloud: OH! This one! Our friend Heero Yuy is back in jail, "AGAIN"! The police reports say that he was stealing more Very Fit spandex! HAHA! Come on, can you steal something else?  
  
*Audience laugh*  
  
Cloud: Damn! He sure likes those spandex!  
  
Squall: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Cloud: Oh! Listen to this! A Tekken participant was caught today for sneaking a gun during his fight!  
  
Audience: OOOOOHHH!!!  
  
Cloud: It says that he was caught 'cause he yelled "I will kill you with my gun" to his opponent! How stupid can you be?  
  
*Audience laugh*  
  
Cloud: And oh yeah! Homer Simpson! Yup, Homer is now the new president of the Shinra Corporation. Good for him! Good for him!  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah! On the news today! Heihachi Mishima says he will lose the diaper! He says, direct quote, "From now on, I will fight naked!" Haha! Heihachi says it will guarantee his victory!  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Cloud: Folks, when we return, Spike Spiegal will join us.  
  
*audience cheers*  
  
(After break)  
  
Welcome back! My first guest here tonight is someone you may know from the show, Cowboy Bebop. Spike Spiegal everyone!  
  
*Squall and the band playing Cowboy Bebop opening song*  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
(Cloud welcomes Spike, shakes hands)  
  
Spike: Hi everyone! *waves to the crowd*  
  
(Cloud and Spike take their seats)  
  
Cloud: Hi man! Welcome to the show. I have to say that Cowboy Bebop is now my favorite show of all time.  
  
Spike: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Cloud: So what's the feeling of having the top rated show of all time?  
  
Spike: I feel great! Hey! I work with a tough guy, a geek with a computer, a lady who plays at the casino all day, and a dog. It's the best feeling of all time!  
  
Cloud: Now what do you think about Vicious?  
  
Spike: .Vicious.  
  
(Spike grabs his gun and starts firing at the ceiling)  
  
Audience: WHOA!  
  
Cloud: Hey Spike, cal down.  
  
Spike: I'm sorry, the name Vicious makes me lose my head. I just wanna kick his ass! Whoops! Can you say ass on TV?  
  
Cloud: Hey! You're Spike Spiegal so you can do anything you want! Oh, by the way, Julia is hot!  
  
Spike: Grrr.WHAT! *looks at Cloud with rage* (Grabs his gun again and points it at Cloud) What did you say about Julia?!?!  
  
Audience: WHOA!  
  
Cloud: *sweating* Uhhh.umm.when.uh.we return.Hwoarang will.join us.  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
(After Break)  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
Cloud: Hi and welcome back! My next guest comes from the hit game Tekken 4. Give it up for.Hwoarang!  
  
(Squall and the band start playing rave songs)  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
(Cloud welcomes Hwoarang, shakes hands, hugs)  
  
Cloud: Hwoarang everyone!  
  
Hwoarang: Hehe. Hello!  
  
(Cloud and Hwoarang take their seat)  
  
Cloud: How you doin' man!  
  
Hwoarang: Great! I've been practicing for my next match!  
  
Cloud: Really? Who's your opponent?  
  
Hwoarang: Jin.JIN KAZAMA!  
  
Audience: OOHHHH!  
  
Cloud: Really? Wow.So what do you think of Jin?  
  
Hwoarang: I fuckin' hate Jin!.*very mad*  
  
Cloud: Whoa! Sorry I asked.umm.hey! What's up with the girls callin' you Hwa-Hwa? Black Phoenix, especially.  
  
Black Phoenix: HI HWA-HWA! I LOVE YOU HWA-HWA!  
  
Hwoarang: Thanks Black Phoenix! Well, I dunno! They just started calling me Hwa-Hwa ever since I got popular! But, only girls say it though.  
  
Cloud: Wow! Can I call you Hwa-Hwa?  
  
Hwoarang: *looks angry*..  
  
Cloud: I'm not gay or anything.*sweating*  
  
Hwoarang: *still looks angry* ..  
  
Cloud: .I don't wanna get my ass kicked.Ok moving on! How's your relationship with Nina?  
  
Hwoarang: .I don't have a relationship with Nina! That's Paul who has a relationship with Nina! What are you, some kind of moron?  
  
Cloud: Ok! Bad question!  
  
*audience laughs*  
  
Hwoarang: Damn right!  
  
Cloud: Okay, uhh.Who taught you how to fight?  
  
Hwoarang: Why, my master! Master Baek!  
  
Cloud: So what do you do in your spare time?  
  
Hwoarang: Well, I go to the arcade! And of course, I play Tekken 4!  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
Cloud: Tekken 4? What? That's just crap! If you wanna play a true fighting game, play Ehrgeiz! Tekken 4 is crap! Err.whoops!  
  
Hwoarang: .What.did.you.SAY?! (angry look)  
  
Crowd: OOH!  
  
Squall: OOH! You're gonna get your ass kicked now!  
  
Cloud: Uhh.I said.*gulp*.Tekken 4.is.*sweating Hwoarang: (raging look) OK, I've heard enough! *lifts Cloud up from his chair and performs a 10 hit combo on him)  
  
Hwoarang: HYAA! YAH!  
  
Cloud: Uhh.ahhh.eeehhh! OWWW!  
  
Audience: (counting the hits) 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10! OOOOH!  
  
Cloud: (lands on his desk which breaks from the fall, err.throw) Uhhh.Hwoarang.everyone! Uhhh.ohhh.  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
Cloud: (till in pain) Folks, I would like to thank my guests tonight: Spike Spiegal for shooting my ceiling and Hwoarang for kicking my ass.Good night everyone! *passes out*  
  
*Squall and the band start playing music*  
  
*crowd cheers* 


	2. Episode 2 featuring Tidus, Kazuya, and D...

Ahh...the latest "episode" of The Stupid Show With Cloud Strife! PJC, my cousin, decided he was done with the show, so now I'm the new manager! BWAHAAAHAA!!!  
  
Announcer: Live from Midgar, it's The Stupid Show With Cloud Strife! Starring...CLOUD STRIFE!!!  
  
Cloud: *shakes the audience's hands* Howdy! Nice to see ya! Thanks for coming!   
  
*Tonight show band plays theme song*  
  
Cloud: Good one Squall!  
  
Squall: Thanks!  
  
Cloud: Hi and welcome to the show! Tonight we have Tidus, that blonde brat-  
  
Voice: Like you! HAHAHA!!  
  
Cloud: SEPHIROTH!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Yep, it's me.  
  
Cloud: SECURITY!!!!!  
  
*Seymour drags Sephiroth away*  
  
Cloud: Thanks Seymour! Now, as I was saying, we have Tidus, that blonde brat from Final Fantasy X. Along with him, we also have Kazuya Mishima from the Iron Fist Tournament, and last but not least, Dante Sparda from Devil May Cry!  
  
Audience: WHOOOO!!  
  
Cloud: We'll be back with the interviews after the commercial break!  
  
*break to commercial*  
  
#Super Glue Hair Gel#  
  
Kazuya: Is your hair down and unfashionable?  
  
Paul: (in his Tekken 4 costume) Yes.  
  
Kazuya: Do people make fun of you because of your hairstyle?  
  
Paul & Heihachi: Yes.  
  
Kazuya: Then try Super Glue Hair Gel! Your new hairstyle will "stick" to you everywhere you go!  
  
Paul: Wow! It's amazing! But my hands are stuck on my head...  
  
Kazuya: *pats Paul of the back* Good for you!  
  
Heihachi: HEY! I thought you said this was Rogaine!!! There's NO HAIR GROWING!!! *with his hands stuck to his shiny, bald dome* I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!  
  
Kazuya: *snickers* Buy Super Glue Hair Gel! It'll really "stick" to ya! HAHAHA! *puts hand on forehead* Hahaha...WHAT THE HELL?!?! MY F****** HAND'S STUCK TO MY HEAD!!!  
  
~Super Glue Hair Gel~  
  
#Mokujin Donuts#   
  
Jin and Hwoarang are watching Linkin Park's "In The End" music video.  
  
Hwoarang: # It starts with one thing, I don't know why, it doesn't even matter how hard you've tried...# Jin, this is great! Pass the donuts!  
  
Jin: There's only one left...  
  
Hwoarang: Then GIMME!  
  
Jin: MINE!  
  
Hwoarang: NO!  
  
They fight over the donut until it lands on the windowsill...  
  
Jin: Look! The donut!   
  
Hwoarang: THAT'S MINE!!  
  
A pigeon flies over to the windowsill and takes the donut  
  
Hwoarang: NOOOOO!!!  
  
Jin: The...last...DONUT!!  
  
Both: NOOO!!!  
  
*knock, knock*  
  
Bryan: Donuts! I'm here to deliver a dozen fresh Mokujin Donuts and...AH! What the hell! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR SO YOU CAN GET YOUR DAMN DONUTS!!  
  
Jin: Yay!   
  
Hwoarang: *opens the door* ::gasp::  
  
Bryan: yeah yeah, a free Mokujin dummy for every dozen you buy...  
  
Hwoarang: That's not it...  
  
Jin: You're wearing a delivery boy uniform!  
  
Both: HAHAHA!  
  
Bryan: What the hell...HAHAHAHA!  
  
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
~Mokujin Donuts...The fresh donut...~  
  
Cloud: And we're back! First tonight, we have Tidus!  
  
Tidus: Wassup, peeps?  
  
Audience: WHOO!!  
  
Cloud: Have a seat!  
  
Tidus: Thanks! *sits down*  
  
Cloud: Welcome to the show!  
  
Tidus: Glad to be here!  
  
Cloud: Now, onto the questions. Tidus, is it true you're in love with Yuna?  
  
Tidus: Yes, and I love her with all my heart!  
  
Cloud: I see...So, what do you think of Seymour?  
  
Tidus: He married my girl, made my life in Spira a living hell...HE'S GREAT, MAN!  
  
Cloud: But you just said he made your life a living hell!  
  
Tidus: What's done is done. We go watch movies together, egg houses, moon old people, and TP the trees in the park! We're like, brothers!  
  
Seymour: Wassup, my homie?!  
  
Tidus: Sup dude!  
  
Seymour: Man, getting' laid by Lulu has GOT to be the greatest thing in my life!  
  
Tidus: Yuna and I are getting married!  
  
Seymour: Wait! Lemme divorce her, first. *signs papers* She's all yours!  
  
Cloud: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. First, you all hated each other, now you're all buddy-buddy?  
  
Tidus and Seymour: YES!   
  
Cloud: Okay, let's forget this...Tidus and...Seymour everyone!  
  
Audience: WHOOOOO!!!  
  
Cloud: Now, let's go to a commercial break, shall we?  
  
*Commercial break*  
  
#Public Warning#  
  
Lei: (dressed in a police officer uniform) Young adults...and adults...are getting robbed, hurt, abducted, and broke. You know why? It's because of hitch hikers. Yes, SLUTTY hitch hikers. Let's see what would happen to young Steve here.  
  
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car* Beep, beep. Hello, there!  
  
Anna: Hello! May a have a ride in your hot wheels?  
  
Steve: Of course! Hop in! *Anna slips under the cardboard car* And away we go!  
  
Lei: Tsk, tsk. This is what happened to poor Steve AFTER he had picked up Anna.  
  
Steve: LOOK! The Dixie plate wheel on my car is GONE! See?! * fake gasp* MY MONEY!!!  
  
Lei: See? Now this is what happens if Steve DIDN'T pick up Anna.  
  
Anna: Hello there!  
  
Steve: *walks in with a cardboard car, with a new plate glued on err...wheel* Get lost, whore! I don't want sluts in MY ride! *runs, err...SPEEDS away*  
  
Anna: Well I never!  
  
Lei: God one, Steve! Because of that move, he's a top Middleweight boxer and famous rich guy! He even got laid by Xiaoyu! See kids, follow Steve's example.   
  
Steve, Lei, Anna: DON'T PICK UP HITCH HIKERS!  
  
Steve: Except if it's a certain Chinese girl named Ling Xiaoyu! *wink, wink*  
  
Lei: STEVE! *smacks Steve on the back of the head*  
  
~Don't Pick Up Hitch Hikers...especially slutty ones...~  
  
Cloud: And we're back! With us next is Dante Sparda, from the hit horror game, Devil May Cry!  
  
Dante: Sup, man! *sits down*  
  
Cloud: How's it going? I mean, with your dad and all.  
  
Dante: Dad sucks.  
  
Cloud: I see...How's Trish?  
  
Dante: She's good.   
  
Cloud: Not very conversational, are you?  
  
Dante: Nope.  
  
Cloud: Umm...do you think Nightmare was hard?  
  
Dante: Nope. He was easy. Didn't scare me a bit!  
  
Cloud: Oh, alright then...WOULD YOU LIKE SOME JELL-O?!?! *holds out a bowl of Jell-O*  
  
Dante: AAAHHH!!! NIGHTMARE!!! *takes out his guns and shoots the bowl*  
  
Cloud: AW CRAP!! That was a bit TOO CLOSE TO MY HAND!!!!!!  
  
Dante: Sorry man, but ever since Nightmare, Jell-O just scares me. Bill Cosby does too.  
  
Cloud: Why?  
  
Dante: He's associated with Jell-O.  
  
Cloud: I see...Did you know that Trish's hot?  
  
Dante: WHAT'S THAT?!?! *starts shooting Cloud*  
  
Cloud: DAH! *takes out Ultima Weapon* HAH!  
  
Dante: *takes out Alastor* Two can play at that game!  
  
*both fight*  
  
Squall: Come on, shall we?  
  
(Squall and Tonight Show band play ff7 Boss Fight music)  
  
After ten minutes, they finally stop fighting, leaving it at a draw.  
  
Cloud: Not bad.  
  
Dante: Same to you. I didn't know you were THAT good with a sword.   
  
Cloud: Back to you.  
  
Dante: Hey! Let's meet at the square Saturday Night! They have swordfights weekly!  
  
Cloud: Okay! Dante Sparda everybody!  
  
Audience: WHOOOO!!!  
  
Cloud: Now, onto commercial break!  
  
*commercial break*  
  
#Want to lose weight?#  
  
Michelle: Wanna lose weight, and fast? Well, come on down to the Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program! Here, we have a dance program if you want to lose weight with style! Our dance teachers, Christie Monteiro and Eddy Gordo!  
  
Eddy: Now SPIIINN!! Then Kick, kick, spin, spin, spin some more, and SPIIIINNNN!!!!  
  
Christie: Work it, people!  
  
Eddy: Ganryu! No squishing people!   
  
Michelle: Here we have one of our members, Ganryu!   
  
Ganryu, Eddy, and Christie walk over to Michelle  
  
Michelle: Of course, we also have...ACUPUNCTURE!  
  
Christie: Needles are ready!  
  
Michelle: Great! Now try it out on one of the fat people over there.  
  
Christie: Okay! *goes to a fat person and pokes her with the needle*  
  
Lady: *gasp* I'm skinny! That needle released the air from my body! Thank you, Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program!  
  
Michelle: See? Lose weight in SECONDS! Now, I shall poke Ganryu with this needle!  
  
Ganryu: It won't hurt, right?  
  
Michelle: Not a bit! *pokes Ganryu with the needle* *air escaping* See? It really works!  
  
Christie: But not in the way we wanted...  
  
Ganryu: *fart, fart, FAAAARRRRTTTT!!!!*  
  
All: *gasp, faint*  
  
Ganryu; It really does work!  
  
~Fat-Ass-Zilla Weight Loss/Acupuncture Program~  
  
Cloud: And we're back! Next we have Kazuya Mishima of The Iron Fist Tournament 4! Give it for Kazuya everyone!  
  
Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Kazuya: Man, it's great to be here! *sits down*   
  
Cloud: Glad to have you here! Now, do you miss Jun?  
  
Kazuya: Everyday. *sniff*  
  
Cloud: I see...what do you think of your son, Jin?  
  
Kazuya: Pansy.  
  
Cloud: Why say that about your son?  
  
Kazuya: That's because he is one! Come on, who would be friends with girls and doesn't get laid by them? Not me, but Jin? Yes.  
  
Cloud: Very interesting. I'm guessing that you hate your father, Heihachi, as well?  
  
Kazuya: Every fuckin' day. Come on?! Who would love a guy that threw his own son off a cliff, threw him into a volcano, and of course, SHOT MY SON SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES?!?! Most importantly, THROWING ME INTO THAT VOLCANO!!!! *fumes*   
  
Cloud: Whoa man, calm down! Now, don't turn into the devil on me, I've already gotten my ass kicked by Hwoarang last night.  
  
Hwoarang (in the audience): DAMN STRAIGHT!!  
  
Cloud: *hides behind his chair* Last question for you, Kazuya. Do you like the devil? Come on, I mean, who would support the forces hell?  
  
Kazuya: I WOULD!!!! *turns into Devil, hits Cloud with a 10 hit Combo*  
  
Audience: OOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: *lands on his desk, which blows up from Devil's beam* That's it for tonight...Have a nice daaayyyy...*passes out*   
  
*Squall plays FF7 Victory song*  
  
Audience: WHOOOO!!!  
  
Dante: DEVILS RULLLEE!!!!!!  
  
Good! Now that you've gotten this far, R&R!!!!!!! 


End file.
